One of the things that has bothered me the most about quarantining at home during the Covid-19 pandemic is families NOT being able to properly memorialize their loved ones. I’ve been saddened by numerous stories of people losing loved ones to Covid or other health battles that they ultimately succumbed to during the pandemic. I have been quietly curious about how families feel about the experience of losing someone and having to quarantine and honor someone virtually. It’s so unnatural not to gather and console family and friends when our loved ones transition.
The service commemorating the lives of our loved ones is often referred to as a “celebration of life” or “home-going service” - these memorials are lively, yet solemn remembrances. We hug and kiss each other on the cheeks. We sit face to face and catch up because all too often these services are impromptu family reunions. We get dressed up and we gather in halls for the repast. We pass plates of homemade or catered foods. We sip red punch from little clear plastic cups. We watch our elders move slower and reflect on the days of their prime. We hold the hands of the weak and get them to their seats. This is a time of intimacy. The hugs are welcomed and sought after. The goodbyes are hard, but we are grateful that we did get up to see another day.
So how does one carry out a celebration of life or a home-going service virtually on Facebook Live or through Zoom? The virtual ceremony is completely void of the warmth we crave in the presence of family and friends. I’m curious about so much surrounding the mourning of loved ones virtually.
Sheltering in place in front of a screen, honoring the deceased with a million thoughts running through your mind. Death as a result of coronavirus is forcing the nation to reconcile itself to the sobering statistics on how African-Americans are disproportionately dying from Covid-19. Health disparities are not new and the attempts to narrow the gap in health outcomes are not new. What’s glaringly apparent is that our efforts are not working well enough. The social determinants known to impact health outcomes have to become a priority. The nation’s healthcare ecosystem must move swiftly to bring parity to the health outcomes of all Americans, especially African Americans.
I’m curious to see how the Covid-19 pandemic data is analyzed, crunched, summarized and ultimately stuffed in between plastic glossy folders. How many hands will these reports pass through and whose eyes will get to review the data? Who will have a seat the table and get to decide what’s next for Black folks dying all across the nation unnecessarily? Black people need to have a seat at the table. Black people need to be heard from and need to be listened to without bias clouding anyone’s judgement.
In lieu of flowers, please give everyone one that has died as a result of Covid-19, the good faith effort that health disparities will be tackled with more fervor, resources and commitment than ever before. In lieu of flowers, send more young blacks to medical school so when Black people go see a doctor they are more likely to see someone that looks like them. In lieu of flowers, please make investments in Black communities equitably so we don’t live in food deserts, have better access to high quality healthcare and ensure access to capital to own our homes. In lieu of flowers, someone, everyone, please make a good faith effort to ensure “we gon be alright.”
In lieu of flowers, please keep your gestures, Black Americans are more concerned with the discontinuation of antagonism against our lives.
(Written in mid May 2020, published June 2020)
“Thrive”, handcrafted collage by Heather Polk, 2020